Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
