textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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