my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
