I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
