Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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