May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
