Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
