fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
