I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
