i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
