i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
