He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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