yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
