I puked a lego.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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