There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
