I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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