Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
