When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
