Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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