is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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