not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
