I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm always down for nudity.
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