my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
