Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
