she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
