Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
