Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
