I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
