i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
