so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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