made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
