My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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