Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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