I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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