Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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