my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
