take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
