Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
