If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
