Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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