did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk is not a location!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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