im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
