I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
