turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
