i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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