Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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