Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
