Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
