apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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