man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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