Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
